[Intro]
[Spoken Word — a herald, grand and dry]
In the spring of nineteen hundred, let the Powers take their places.
Mind the borders. Mind your friends.
[brass fanfare, timpani roll]

[Verse 1]
Unfurl the painted standard, lay the continent in chalk —
seven crowns around a table, and the only weapon, talk.
Spring has called the Powers forward, every flag upon the field;
I would die for my dominion, that a steadier hand could wield.

[Pre-Chorus]
So we shake upon alliance, and we mean it — more or less —
and we swear it on our honour, which we're keeping in our chest.

[Chorus]
[unison choir enters, full brass]
O the joys of diplomacy — sing the joys of diplomacy!
Long live the empire that fits in a box,
sealed with a handshake, betrayed by the clock.
Loyal as a single spring is long —
raise the anthem, raise it loud and wrong!

[Verse 2]
There's a wire beneath the table and it carries every word,
a back channel in the darkness, encrypted, undeterred.
I've got eight clean minutes only to convince you I am true —
then the orders fall together, and I'll show you what I'll do.

[Chorus]
O the joys of diplomacy — sing the joys of diplomacy!
Long live the empire that fits in a box,
sealed with a handshake, betrayed by the clock.
Loyal as a single spring is long —
raise the anthem, raise it loud and wrong!

[Bridge]
[Half Time, strings only, voice low]
I supported you in autumn. You supported me in turn.
I marched into your capital and watched the borders burn.
[Build Up]
We were never on a battlefield — we were never even near —
just two friends across a continent, a token, and a year.
And the medium was the message, and the message was the game —
and we'll log on again next Sunday, and we'll do it all the same.

[Final Chorus]
[Key Change, choir and brass, fullest]
O the joys of diplomacy — sing the joys of diplomacy!
Long live the empire that fits in a box,
sealed with a handshake, betrayed by the clock.
Loyal as a single spring is long —
raise the anthem, raise it loud and wrong!

[Outro]
[ritardando, warm, half-spoken]
So pour another, raise the flag for nothing and for fun —
the empire's back inside its box, the spring is never done.
[Fade Out]
O, the joys of diplomacy...