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Cover image, theKerriganTourGuideBrisbaneDublinDubaiEdition, for the song The Kerrigan Tour Guide: Brisbane–Dublin–Dubai Edition
Cover image, theKerriganTourGuideBrisbaneDublinDubaiEdition, for the song The Kerrigan Tour Guide: Brisbane–Dublin–Dubai Edition

The Kerrigan Tour Guide: Brisbane–Dublin–Dubai Edition

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An ordinary Australian bloke turns a Brisbane–Dublin–Dubai trip into a hymn to flat beds, giant airports, Guinness, glittering skylines and the long pull of home—where the paddock, the cows and the serenity still win.

The Kerrigan Tour Guide: Brisbane–Dublin–Dubai Edition

(as told by Darryl, over dinner)

Leg one, the A380. It's got stairs. Stairs, on a plane. You go up and there's a bar at the back, and a bloke in a waistcoat pours you a drink at 40,000 feet like it's the RSL. The seat goes flat and it's got its own little fridge in the side. Its own fridge. I didn't touch it, I just opened it a few times.

Dubai, connection. Two hours. The airport's bigger than Kyogle. They had a chandelier.

Leg two, the 777. Window seat, 12K. Seat right against the window. There's a little light you can change the colour of. I tried them all. Purple was good.

Dublin. Fifteen days. Lovely people. The Guinness tastes different there, they reckon it's the water. I reckon it's the distance.

Dubai, the stopover. A boat across the creek for one dirham. One dirham! That's thirty-nine cents. Then up the tallest building in the world, where you look down on the fountain doing its dance, and it's like looking at the whole future of mankind laid out in lights. The Gold Coast's got one too, only smaller. Sixteen dollars more gets you a whole year up there.

Coming home, Premium Economy. Leather seat. The footrest comes up to meet you. They bring you a hot towel. A hot towel. You wipe your hands, then you give it back. Then dinner. Beef or chicken. I had the beef. Then, and this is the thing, they came back round with a second choice of dessert.

Home. Straight out to the paddock. The cows didn't ask where I'd been. They're not interested in the world like we are.

"How's the serenity?" It was at 40,000 feet.

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